NOTES LEFT BEHIND

You once asked me
if I love you to the moon and back,
OR
if I am as fulfilled with you,
as the sky satisfies me
with its vivid colors
OR
if my declaration of love is as vast,
as it is to the expanse of the ocean.

My answer to you is:
I see the undefined beauty in your eyes,
the bare nakedness in them, touches me,
I feel vulnerably close to you and nearer to the distant emotions I’ve never felt before—which now I feel in abundance
as the expressive sky,
diving in the vast expanse of the ocean,
exploring every untamed emotion,
reflecting the impossibility of measuring my love in enormity to the moon.

I trade my beliefs for your questions
and so I am embodied with a thousand more,
I can’t help but wonder
if this is what being with you feels like
and that every time I see you
I am wounded with anxiety
and I talk about myself 
more than I can learn about you.

Do you make me feel as much as
the moon, sky or the ocean?
The thing is,
whenever I look at them
I can’t help but feel the existential void
that fills up to the brim of my
unconsciousness,
where I am left clueless;
a tiny speck
in front of the entire universe,
the one I gaze with wonderment.

But when I am with you,
when I look at you,
I am made aware of my existence
more than ever and in the
moments we are sharing together,
your existence feels greater
than the moon, sky and the ocean
and so I don’t think it’s ever right
to compare the two.

When I am with you,
I feel significant and
self aware of my consciousness
that fills up to the brim of my body,
making me feel significant
to the pores of my skin,
that are left open to absorb
every feeling that is amplified,
which is maginifed by your touch
and as you hold me in whispers of my name that you sweetly call;
I am yours and you are mine,
finely knit in our desires,
in the smallest universe we’ve
created for ourselves together,
to acknowledge each other’s claim
of how much we belong to one another,
as much as but not limited to the
extent of the moon, sky or the ocean.

– Shweta Kher